Sleepin’, Workin’ & Dreamin’

Tuesday, October 7th, 2008

Dear World,

I don’t know if it’s me and what I’ve been going through the last few months but not only have I been able to remember some of my dreams but they’ve been rather odd.

I’m not going to go into them more than to say how I feel about them and what they may be telling me.

The Native Americans believed that dreams are a window in the afterlife. They felt that dreams were the gods’ communicating to them.

I’ve taken on a more explainable version of that and found that I am again in one of those situations that leads me down a dead end road. Through my dreams of late I have found a place where I am both extremely happy and yet mournfully sad.

I don’t feel comfortable talking about it as it’s extremely personal but I feel compelled to say something, anything about it.

In my life I have been known to set some pretty lofty goals and maybe somehow that habit has gotten me to where I am now. Perhaps on a subconscious level the impossible goal is my way setting impossible standards. I do know I’ll figure it out as I almost always do and until then I’m going to be very weird for the time being to the vast majority of you.

I think maybe the one or two of you who even have a hint of any of this are in a tough spot. You hear me all the time being all stubborn “black and white” and yet the only way I go forward is to relax some of that and it’s got me feeling unsure of myself and my future.  I have decided that when the situation arose that I would force myself not to study it, break it down, plan it, SOLVE it, analyze it I swore I would let it be.  wasn’t tough at all at first. I mean I just gave up about fifteen years of daily coffee to better myself and I thought this would be way easier than that but as it always does my mind kicks in and the gears turn. I still feel that letting it be is the right thing to do. In my small world of black and white I have decided that yet sometimes it spills back over and I have a tougher time moving it back to one side it belongs to.

Something happened a few days ago. Something I will keep to myself for as long as I possibly can. I said aloud to another person something I have not said in so long it was strange saying it. I had always thought over the years that when the time came to say it that it would be no big deal but when it finally happened I kind of threw myself. As completely happy as it made me feel to do this little thing so many people take for granted it through my calculating mind for a loop.  I don’t want to make a big deal about it. I don’t want it to become something that people feel they have to “fix” about me as they usually do. I’m sure it will all work itself out in the end and whatever road I am now going down will be the right one. the clear and present choice as it always is with me hangs on whether it’s the right thing to do – whatever it may be.

Peace, Love, & Understanding,



One comment on “Sleepin’, Workin’ & Dreamin’

  1. Robin says:

    As usual Bug, you are quite the enigma. However, you just be you and don’t ever change.

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