[note: originally written on August 23rd 2008 – title written on the 24th]
I ventured down a path I knew I shouldn’t go down over the last few days. I knew once I got back on facebook that I would indeed be to overwhelmed with curiosity not to have to “face” things.
I’m a curious person and in being such I’ve got to force myself to not ask certain questions or else doors I really don’t want to be opened will be opened.
So here’s what I’ve taught myself over the years about curiosity: It’s the one true educator. Ask a question, get an answer. It’s pretty simple.
I’ve had to do some fairly difficult things in my life. I’m face again with something pretty darned difficult. I have taken a long time to try and work out the best way to go about it and as of today I’m still stuck.
I’m a deeply principled man. I will not budge on my principles under any circumstance and I have to say that can really be annoying sometimes.
As a father my one true goal is to be the best example for my son that I can be. He has an always will come first. No one will ever be put before he. I certainly understand that puts a lot of people in my life in a tough spot. As it seems they all want to be number one for some stupid reason or another.
As a role model to Brett I have tried consistently to show him unselfishness. Trying to teach him why sacrifice is important once in a while and all the while continually questioning myself as to whether or not I’m doing the right thing. I don’t have all the answers. I’m just one guy who doesn’t get things. I ask questions so I understand, I think so I know. Yet I often feel very lost.
Since I have learned that I cannot operate in this world as others do I can only operate as I do I’ve decided to be selfish. With one notable exception: my son.
Anything else is fair game.
When I look back upon my life my vision must be clear in memory even when my eyes have failed me and I must not have regret of any kind.
That does not mean I shall live a careless life and endanger what I have worked so hard to become. It only means that I put forth a clear path and stick to it. No exceptions.
Some might wonder where they fit into all of this, some might wonder what it means. To that I can only say nothing. to that I can only think if I have to explain it then you do not know me at all and I feel very sorry that you’ve wasted your time in trying.
I will cut people out of my life who are of no benefit to me or my son. I will turn loose those that are selfish and think nothing truly of me and what I stand for. I will no longer follow and I shall lead. I shall lead my own life and not just jump in line as if I were a sheep. I shall in some instances be the wolf.
P.S. I have decided to work on three or four songs for youtube this weekend. I think I’m ready to record them and post them. Then I shall lay my guitar down for good and enjoy the sweet memories and move on.
Peace, Love, & Understanding – Obama/Biden/2008